The Process: A History

One of the most iconic comeback stories in world history is unfolding as we speak, led by the most iconic African man since Michael Blackson. The Philadelphia 76ers are in the process of rebuilding their team through tanking that has never been seen before. It takes a large amount of background to really understand the magnitude of "The Process."

As shown on this beautiful Basketball-Reference table, the Sixers were rolling in mediocrity during and after the later Allen Iverson years. They were as aimless as a Stephen Curry behind the back pass, but theit draft position didn't leave them in a favorable position either. They drafted all-time great playmakers like Nikola Vucevic (5 pts/gm, 5 reb/gm, traded after 1 season) and future world-champion Marreese Speights (7 pts/gm, 3 reb/gm, traded after 3 seasons) and somehow couldn't break the cycle of mediocrity that even the great Allen Iverson couldn't break.


The Sixers were stuck in Averageville with the Atlanta Hawks and didn't want to contract Atlanta's rampant HIV, so they had to pull off some bold moves. They fired their GM after he traded talented young players & future Finals MVP Andre Iguodala for the Bowling Beast himself, Andrew Bynum.

They brought the Stanford-educated Sam Hinkie in to fix the plethora of Sixers problems, and boy did he have a plan. My man said "fuck winning lmao we takin this thing into tank mode." Hinkie started off by trading his veterans for younger players and draft picks. He traded Jrue Holiday in 2013 for a 1st round pick and rookie Nerlens "Bell Biv Devoe" Noel, and during the 2014 season traded 4 of his veterans for a first round pick and 5 future second round picks.

In the 2014 draft, Hinkie drafted a 7-foot Cameroonian by the name of Joel Embiid with the 3rd overall pick. His live video after learning about the team he was drafted to was not a good first impression for fans of the NBA.

Apparently it was the tape delay that was the cause for his non excited face (LMFAOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT). He suffered a broken foot before the draft and rebroke it a year later, so he was out of the picture for 2 years of this story. Hinkie also drafted Dario Saric with the 12th pick, but he stayed at his European club for 2 more years before flying out to get played, just like Twitter honeys.

After the 2015 season, Hinkie surprisingly resigned from his position, just when the team was looking like progress was going to be made. Personally, the resignation wouldn't have been fishy UNTIL the chairman of basketball operations, Jerry Colangelo, hired his SON Bryan Colangelo to replace Hinkie. The hire reeks even more than Klay Thompson's hotel room when he visits the Nuggets.

Although Hinkie was gone, Embiid and the rest of the Sixers devoted themselves to "The Process." The Process is now a rallying cry for the city of Philadelphia, with Embiid even making it his nickname for player introductions.

The future's looking bright as FUCK for the 76ers. They drafted players like Jahlil "Black Hole" Okafor, and Ben "Lightskin Aussie LeBron" Simmons to beef up their frontcourt. Their frontcourt is so beefed up in fact, the Sixers are trying to trade either Bell Biv or Black Hole, probably for more picks. If you're any kind of NBA fan, you need to follow the Sixers at least casually because they are prime for success nearer than you think. Even if you don't like them, you have to respect them or else Jahlil Okafor's hands will take offense to it.

Thanks for reading

-Jarra